You may resort to eating organic baby food squeezable pouches out of sheer convenience.
If you decided to really push the envelop and adopt a pet into your home you can count on at least tripling the “times you appear (and go) crazy.” It is also certain that you will question your authority and control over your household and your entire existence several times an hour.
Your spouse or partner may also appear like they are losing their marbles – this is true. Do not be alarmed. Simply hand them an organic baby food squeezable pouch and if necessary (because chances are they may seem catatonic) squeeze some of the food into their mouth and allow them to drink from a sippy cup until they resume a semi-normal state.
A note on “Elmo’s Song”
This tune is highly dangerous and addictive. It’s purpose is to take over your brain. If you find that you are singing, humming, dancing or any matter of expressing “Elmo’s Song” in any way for longer then 15 minutes – please listen to THIS immediately (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qEkhSXNMs4).
A note on “temper tantrums”
If your child demonstrates what society refers to as “temper tantrums” from time to time but you feel more comfortable in describing the episode like this: “Screaming at the top of their lungs like a wild animal as if someone is trying to capture them and hold them prisoner for the duration of their lives all the while kicking and writhing their body as if to escape from the hands of a mass murderer”, this is totally normal. At least that is what other moms keep telling us.
Amidst all of the chaos, try not to trip on random balls, blocks and other uncomfortable objects strewn about on your floor.
This has been a message from FFTPA (your Friendly First Time Parent Association.)