Day 228: Me, Matt & Motherhood

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Aside from keeping somewhat on top of writing daily, I have pretty much been in a small, secluded cave for the last year.  I am not sure how many people that follow #365things know that at the end of last year I closed up shop (or at least partially boarded the windows) to a small media company I started called Where is My Guru.  We were a weekly live radio show (you can check out some of our shows here) that ran for a little over three years.  Something like 500 interviews? Whew. It was about learning, connecting and crucifying peoples names every Friday at 11am EST.  We hovered in the yogasphere mostly. So, there’s that.

What I have come to learn about myself is that when I was “all into yoga” I pretty much loved taking about it, sharing and what a thrill it was to be able to interview just about everyone who I looked up to in the yoga world. I am always humbled when I think about the spaces of time I where I was graced to be able to talk with amazing teachers and leaders in the community.

Then, I got pregnant and my focused changed.  I wanted to talk with people who were all about conscious birth.

Then, I had a baby and now all I want to do is talk about my journey as a mom and parent.

See a pattern here?  I am glad I finally did.

Anyway, I am digressing a bit because I am sure you are wondering what the heck that screen shot is about. Meet Matt.  Pretty much the most positive guy on the face of the planet.  He works with an absolutely amazing company called en*theos and we had just wrapped up a webinar I facilitated called, How to Survive Your First Year of Motherhood (although I decided in the middle of the webinar that I would rather thrive than survive). I did a few of these webinars several months ago – but then I decided that it was too soon to wander that far from my den. So, I retreated back and waited until I felt ready to come back out.

Matt and the awesome peeps at en*theos kept inviting me to participate, when I was ready.  They kept the door open. I have good friends in other places and spaces where I used to hang a hat who have also kept the light on.  It’s amazing really because I’ve been carrying around this guilt that I “let all these people down” when I stepped back to have a child. Maybe I did let some people down. Maybe I did. I can’t do anything about that now, but holding onto this fear that I am some sort of disappointment isn’t doing me any good at all. I’ve been exploring this little by little and as I’ve just allowed myself to acknowledge that while this feeling was REAL, it might not actually be TRUE, what I have found is a tremendous amount of support. It makes me feel vulnerable and naked and scared, but there is also a newfound sense of freedom and confidence. I’m a fucking mom for God’s sake. I can pretty much do anything. It’s about time I start believing it. #365things

p.s. Just in case you missed  it, I am wearing my #wonderwoman earrings in honor of all you amazing mamas out there.

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One thought on “Day 228: Me, Matt & Motherhood

  1. Pingback: Day 229: What if Death Knocked at Your Door? Would You Change? | the #365things project

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