Was it the “kissing yoga” that made you want to come back for more? Ha. That is what did it for me! I’ll start there.
Having a child GREATLY affects the relationship with your partner. Like – you wake up and feel as though you are sleeping next to a totally different person than before “the baby.” And, shit, lets just get honest. This is not just directed at my husband. All of a sudden he is waking up next to this milk producing being who wanders around the house like a zombie most days and feels all of a sudden like its totally ok to never shave. And on my end, my carefree and spirited partner is now “the provider” for the family and turned into my Dad overnight. What a long, strange trip it’s been, indeed.
Enter the ever timely wisdom from my mom. She is always filled with fun facts and the other day when I was sharing with her that I really miss spending time with Carl, the intimacy, the privacy (although not sure I can do anything about THAT for the next 18 years!) and the energy that we both used to have and consciously chose to share with one another. I reflected on how grateful I was that at least we are best friends – because if we were only lovers, I could not see only that sustaining our relationship right now. I told my mom about a yoga practice that Carl and I were going to start together (tune into Part III tomorrow), just ten minutes a day and while it wasn’t a “date night” (which we are working on scheduling a few of those too) at least it would be something we could do together, daily, that also supports each of us individually.
So, you want to hear about the kissing, right? My mom said that kissing your partner for 15 seconds each day has been scientifically proven to improve your relationship and increase intimacy (no necessarily sex here, but just the level of closeness that you feel to that stranger sleeping next to you). And this is no little peck on the cheek kiss either. “The kiss” should be passionate, meaningful – you know, open your mouth, use your tongue and get into it a little.
Well, mom strikes again. We’ve been at it for just about a week and it’s working juuuuuuuust fine. For me, it’s helping me to just see Carl again. Not through the filter of mommy, daddy, the roles we are playing, the fatigue, the frustration at not feeling understood or heard in my new role by him sometimes… but to just see him. The guy I love. The guy who is working his ass off to take care of his family. The guy I am getting ready to celebrate eight years with next month. The man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Heck, this kissing thing should have been a part of the vows we took together when we got married. It is pretty sexy!
“Thou shalt french kiss with lots of tongue for at least 15 seconds a day til death do you part.” I DO!
More on yoga. Tomorrow. Part III. #365things