Day 196: Fun fact about Carl: One of his first jobs after moving to the states was a door to door Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman in the middle of Kansas. Can you imagine living in Topeka, KS and here comes a fresh faced and 23 year old Carl with his English accent? Needless to say, he sold a lot of Kirby’s. Annnnnnnnd that picture was taken this morning with the same vacuum cleaner Carl got 18 years ago. It’s freaking heavy as hell and no matter how much of my nagging or refusal to vacuum because I am just plain afraid of the damn thing (think Jaws from Mr. Mom) he downright, absolutely refuses to let the thing go. And, YES, I know it’s a Kirby, and how they last forever and blah blah blah.
My point IS it got me thinking about the big heavy parts of us that we carry around and refuse to look at, much less let go. And we enter into these things called relationships and then we get MARRIED and these things, that we once may have chalked up to be a dust buster has become the 45lb Kirby with 27 detachable parts that just won’t go away. We fight it, we argue, we make promises to change or we make ultimatums about the other person changing. But, its too heavy. It’s too much. It’s HARD to change.
I am someone who profoundly BELIEVES that change is possible. That is all nice and good but at the end of the day, I’ve got my own fleet of Kirby’s hanging around in my mind. I yell, like immediately, when things are not going my way. I drop the “F” bomb A LOT when I am yelling. I don’t let it go. And, did I mention that I don’t let things go? Who gets the brunt of my quirks and habits and patterns? Who get the keys thrown at him when shit is going down? This guy. This guy who is vacuuming in straight lines. Sometimes, during arguments we cannot even look one another in the eye because it is the same argument happening AGAIN, and we both know it.
After almost 8 years, I’ve softened to the Kirby a bit and made some peace with the fact that it is probably either IT or ME. Once you learn all of its ins and outs, you can navigate with it with a little bit more effortlessness and it definitely becomes one million times easier when you’re not resisting. They are still there. All of the Kirby’s in our relationships. All of our attachments to the parts of our personalities that just make us, us. For better or for worse. #365things